I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
