yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
