he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
