So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
