I'm jealous of your bromance
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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