so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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