once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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