YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
