Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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