This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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