man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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