I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
