god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
