There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
