No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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