Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
