somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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