i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
