Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize