so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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