when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
