from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
