the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
