I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
