I think my vagina is haunted
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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