my vag is so smooth its legendary
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
