I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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