I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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