only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
