but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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