i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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