do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
