woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
