I could have mohawked her pubes.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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