____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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