I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
