I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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