I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
