Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
