You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
