I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
