this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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