Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
