never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
