i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
