Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
