I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
