Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
