i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
