uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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