The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
