is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
