Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
