Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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