His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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