Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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