Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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