My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
