I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
