I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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