So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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