had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
