Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize