You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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