My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
