he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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