gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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