I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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