so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
