I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
