if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
this beer tastes like vomit already
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
