Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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