highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
