It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
