He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
