She is in my trunk
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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