No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
