i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
