i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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