I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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