Define "chronic" masturbator.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
