I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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