Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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