I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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