I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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