Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
