i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize