Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
