No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Then you guys just all showered together...?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
