it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
