Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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