Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
