I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
