Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
