Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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