Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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