I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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