3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize