i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
