He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
