i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
