I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize